How to Tell If You Have Healthy Self-Esteem (and a Quick Quiz to Find Out!)

Have you ever wondered if you have healthy self-esteem? Maybe you’re not sure what that even looks like in real life. Don’t worry—you’re not alone! Most of us have moments of feeling confident, followed by days where we feel like we can’t do anything right. If you’re curious about your self-esteem level, I’ve got you covered. Let’s chat about some common signs of healthy vs. low self-esteem and how you can recognize them in everyday conversations. Plus, I’ve added a quick quiz to help you get more clarity!

What People Say When They Have Healthy Self-Esteem

When someone has healthy self-esteem, you’ll hear it in the way they talk about themselves. Here are some phrases that people with good self-esteem often say:

1. “I’m glad I gave it a shot, even if it didn’t work out.”
   • They focus on the effort rather than beating themselves up over the result. It’s like they’re their own cheerleader!
2. “I messed up, but it’s okay. I’ll learn from this.”
   • Mistakes don’t define them—they’re just part of growing. They don’t dwell on it for days, but instead, they use it as a lesson.
3. “I wish I could help, but I’m booked right now.”
   • Yep, they can say “no” without feeling like the worst person ever. They know their limits and respect them.
4. “I love how I look in this outfit today.”
   • Sure, they have off days, but generally, they’re comfortable in their own skin. It’s about feeling good, not perfect.
5. “Thanks so much! I worked hard on that, and I’m proud of it.”
   • When someone gives them a compliment, they don’t dodge it—they own it.
6. “I’m not perfect, but I’m doing my best, and that’s enough.”
   • They accept their flaws while still believing they’re worthy of good things. It’s all about progress, not perfection.
7. “I deserve respect and kindness, just like everyone else.”
   • They know their worth and don’t tolerate disrespect from others.

What People Say When They Have Low Self-Esteem

If self-esteem is on the lower side, you’ll notice it in everyday language. Here are some phrases that reflect this mindset:

1. “I’m not good enough for that job; they’ll pick someone better.”
   • It’s like they’re already expecting to lose, even before they try. They underestimate their abilities.
2. “I made a stupid mistake again—I always mess up.”
   • There’s no room for self-forgiveness here. They often feel like every misstep is a catastrophe.
3. “I know I said yes, even though I really don’t have time.”
   • They have a hard time setting boundaries and end up overwhelmed, just to avoid disappointing others.
4. “I hate how I look today; nothing fits right.”
   • Their self-image tends to be more negative, and they often feel self-conscious about their appearance.
5. “Oh, it was nothing special. Anyone could’ve done it better.”
   • They struggle to accept praise and often downplay their accomplishments, feeling like they’re not worthy of compliments.
6. “I shouldn’t try that—I’ll probably fail.”
   • They assume the worst and avoid new challenges because they fear failing.
7. “Why would anyone want to be my friend? I’m not that interesting.”
   • They often question their value in relationships, feeling unworthy of attention or friendship.

Quick Quiz: Do You Have Healthy Self-Esteem?

This isn’t a scientific test, but it can give you a pretty good idea of where you stand. Pick the answer that best matches how you usually feel.

1. How do you react to compliments?

• A: I smile and say thanks.
• B: I feel awkward but say thanks anyway.
• C: I usually deny it or say they’re just being nice.

2. When you make a mistake, what’s your first thought?

• A: “I’ll learn from this!”
• B: “Ugh, that was bad, but it’s okay.”
• C: “I’m such a failure; why do I always do this?”

3. Do you often compare yourself to others?

• A: Rarely—I try to focus on my own progress.
• B: Sometimes, but I try not to let it get to me.
• C: All the time, and it makes me feel terrible about myself.

4. How do you handle criticism?

• A: I see it as constructive and try to improve.
• B: I get hurt, but I try to take it in stride.
• C: I feel crushed and take it personally.

5. Can you say ‘no’ when needed?

• A: Yes, I’m comfortable setting boundaries.
• B: Sometimes, but I still feel a bit guilty.
• C: No, I usually say yes, even when I don’t want to.

Results:

• Mostly A’s: You likely have healthy self-esteem. You know your worth and try to maintain a positive outlook.
• Mostly B’s: You’re doing okay, but there’s room for growth. Work on celebrating your wins and being kinder to yourself.
• Mostly C’s: You might be struggling with low self-esteem. Don’t worry—there are plenty of ways to improve it!

How to Build Better Self-Esteem

If your self-esteem could use a little boost, start small:

• Practice positive self-talk. Replace “I can’t do this” with “I’m learning how to do this.”
• Celebrate little wins. Did you finish a task today? Great! Write it down.
• Surround yourself with positive people. Find those who lift you up, not bring you down.
• Set boundaries. It’s okay to say no. Your time and energy are valuable.

Building self-esteem is a journey, not a sprint. Just take one step at a time, and remember—you’re worth it!

So, what’s your self-esteem level? Ready to work on it? Let’s hear your thoughts!