Trauma is something that can affect every part of your life and often in ways that you wouldn’t predict or expect. It doesn’t just turn up in relationships but can also affect things like your work or your habits. And many aspects of trauma don’t fade with time; they continue to be a present factor in your life.
So, what are the little ways trauma can affect your life years later? Here are some examples.
People-pleasing and lack of boundaries
People-pleasing and lack of boundaries is one of the main ways that trauma can affect you in your life. Sometimes you want to say yes to things when you really want to say no, over-extending yourself and turning your life into a struggle. The reason people with trauma do this is that they’re often averse to conflict because it was dangerous in the past. Alternatively, they don’t want to get their needs met out of fear of rejection that might follow.
This survival strategy was once beneficial, but in adult life, it can be toxic. Many people will take advantage of individuals who don’t have boundaries, leading to internal feelings of resentment and exhaustion. Lack of boundaries is particularly damaging in relationships when you can’t stand up for yourself and your particular needs. When this happens, you can find yourself completely absorbed by the other person’s personality and desires.
Difficulty trusting others
Another feature of people who have experienced trauma in the past is difficulties with trusting others. If you’re in this category, you may find yourself constantly questioning other people’s intentions. You might also find it hard to share vulnerability with them. If you have a trust deficit, it can stem from past betrayals and other issues. Sometimes this can make you come across as inconsistent and always makes connections with other people feel risky. You want to move forward with them, but you don’t feel like you can internally, even if outwardly things are official, or you go out together with each other.
If you have difficulty trusting others, then a therapist for trauma might be able to help you. They can give you specific strategies and guidance on what to do and some of the techniques you can use. They can also chip away at the underlying trauma and potentially help you get through it and come out the other side as a happier and healthier version of yourself.
Unexplained physical symptoms
Another way trauma can impact two years later is through unexplained physical symptoms. Many people who have had traumatic experiences during their lives experience digestive issues and muscle aches. They can also experience tension headaches and fatigue that doctors can’t explain.
Usually, this is traced back to trauma in the body when the nervous system is constantly being activated and can never rest. It leads to so-called body memories. These show up in multiple physical symptoms, particularly those that affect areas of the body which are criss-crossed with nerves.
Many people with trauma experience pain and exhaustion after the threat has passed. This is almost like their body is keeping them alert for possible danger even though there is none.
Emotional numbness and detachment
Another feature of a traumatic past is emotional numbness and detachment. While this can feel empowering if you ever experience it, it is also a protection mechanism that prevents you from interfacing with life. You feel like you are always observing rather than really fully participating in everything you do.
One of the consequences of emotional numbness and detachment is that activities that would normally excite you feel flat. You don’t get the same level of feeling that you would if you weren’t traumatized. You could also sometimes zone out during conversations. This is where you are focusing more on your internal state than what’s really going on around you. Protective numbness is a way to avoid overwhelming feelings, but it can make your life feel hollow. It can also cause you to leave relationships which you later regret.
Perfectionism
Trauma can also affect you years later in the form of perfectionism. If you are a perfectionist, you view mistakes as catastrophic, so you constantly obsess over the details. This can be particularly harmful in relationships and work environments. These are always messy and things are never perfect. But if you are a perfectionist, then it can be difficult to avoid self-criticizing or accept the criticism of others. Many people with perfectionism describe living in a perfectionist prison. While it’s a way of gaining control of the world and making it less chaotic, it’s also an impossible task and leads to exhaustion and burnout. It can be extremely punishing in the long run.
Overreacting to small things
Another sign that trauma might be affecting you is if you are prone to overreacting to small things. For example, let’s say somebody criticizes you in a minor way. If you feel an intense anger or want to shut down because of this, it could be because of trauma.
Another sign that something might be wrong is if you experience a small delay and experience high levels of anxiety which seem disproportionate. Again, this could be a sign that old wounds are being triggered and re-opening, and your brain is going through a whiplash sensation where it replays the trauma to itself.
If you can’t distinguish past threats from present realities, then that’s a clear sign of trauma still affecting you. The best way to get around this is to speak to a therapist who understands your situation and can help move forward with you.
Hyper independence
Finally, hyper-independence is a sign of trauma. If you insist on handling everything alone and saying you’re fine, it can reveal that you see your reliance on others as a weakness or a risk. If this happens, then it’s another sign that you might have been through trauma in the past. While being a lone wolf is a lifestyle that benefits some people without trauma, most people who try to live it experience burnout and isolation. When finding supportive connections is hard, it makes everything else in life more difficult.
